You know how you go from site to site when searching on the web, often ending up someplace with no idea how you got there?
The point is that you can’t assume that people have purposefully chosen to visit your site, and have comprehensive knowledge of who you are and what services you offer. The above is a good example of a bad idea. (Maybe next year’s contest should be to guess exactly what this company does.)
The even more distressing point is that even if you knew what they did, this gobbledygook expression of their offerings says very little in way that would persuade you of the benefits of hiring them. While it is nice to know their commitment to my success transcends the typical firm-client relationship, uh, what? Oh, sorry I must have dozed off there.
I agree that it is an art to turn financial and technical marketing and jargon into plain English. But at the very least, let the information make you sound different; if you can drop your competitor’s name into your copy, then it is not working hard enough to differentiate you.
Have you thoroughly immersed yourself and absorbed the information in the above passage and believe that you can fully comprehend and put into operation the lessons proffered?
Or, said a better way, Got the idea?